Sunday, February 14, 2010

I Kissed a Zombie, and I Liked It - Adam Selzer

Need an antidote for Twilight?
Well, here you go.  This is a pretty obvious attack on the current vampire love story fetish among so many young people these days, but at least it's a funny one and not something stupid like that book I saw in Borders about how girls should like Jesus more than vampires (seriously, it exists: Escaping the Vampire: Desperate for the Immortal Hero) because honestly, that's just a desperate and sad excuse to get people to go religious.
I mean, it's one thing to like vampire love stories.  I like them sometimes, but at least I can make fun of them too.
And Adam Selzer does a great job of making the whole thing seem pretty ridiculous.
It starts off with Alley making fun of that dumb girl who wants to marry a vampire classmate and become super-post-human herself.  Alley makes fun of everyone though, because she's smarter than them and thinks she has the best taste in music.
And of course everyone thinks vampires are hot shit so almost everyone dresses goth.
So when goth Doug gets up on stage and starts singing Leonard Cohen and Cole Porter, Alley thinks the man of her dreams just showed up.
After a few dates, people clue her in: Doug is a zombie.  That's why he smells like formaldehyde: he has to drink embalming fluid every four hours or he'll crumble into little pieces and stay as dead as he is.
And so Alley thinks it's time to dump him.
But then he saves her from a bunch of 'new' zombies who actually do attack humans and try to eat their brains (most zombies get over that stage within a few hours, you see), and she decided she's still smitten with Dead Doug, and they continue their relationship.
This leads to a lot of complications, such as the emo jerk vampires getting all pissy with her and saying she should go vamp instead of zomb, and Alley herself wondering if she should die and become a zombie, even though being a zombie kind of sucks because of the low energy levels and the embalming fluid and the smell and the possibility that it could all go horribly wrong . . .
Most people think of zombies as stupid dead brain eating monsters.  However, before the vampire fetish hit literature, people thought of vampires as dead blood-sucking fiends.
So it's really not that much of a stretch.
Okay, maybe it is, but isn't that the point?

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